I'm A Weird RM

Yesterday was a little bit weird for me.

Okay.

A lot a bit.

There was a homecoming in my ward for a sister who served her full 18 months. The goal for all sister missionaries, ya know? That year a half that we devote to this beautiful gospel we have been blessed with.

I got my 9 months and came home.

And don't get me wrong. It was what had to happen. I needed to come home. Especially since I'm still getting my killer migraines. Side note: Not as fun as people thing they are. -.-

ANYWHO. Back to topic.

So I'm sitting there in sacrament meeting listening to this sister speak. And it was beautiful. Really. I thought she did a phenomenal job and really invited the spirit to be there with us. She was the typical sister missionary. The soft, sweet voice. The maturity of growing and experiencing life in a different culture. All of that jazz.

Then I thought back to myself.

...If you know me.. I'm not that. I never was the sister to sit and say in hushed, loving tones: "Well, brother and sister, Blah blah blah blah." That wasn't me. I was loud. I was direct. I was straight to the point. I cracked jokes constantly.

Coming home, I felt like I wasn't converted like other sister missionaries. That I must not have done my part in the field. I just took it for a joke.

IT'S NOT TRUE.

Satan, ya know? He works at ya. Gets to you in whatever way He possibly can.

Okay, so maybe I'm not like most sister missionaries to return from their mission.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE.

While I was out in the beautiful country of Mexico, I really learned who I was. I learned that it's okay to like yourself. That I may be freaking weird... but that is why I had so many amazing relationships. I believe that we are sent to our missions for who we ARE. Not just what we need to become.

The people that I came to know in Mexico, even for my short time I was there, were the greatest humans to ever exist. I can tell you for a FACT that I was sent to Mexico to meet Perla and Ofelia Mendoza. Ramon Calderon. The Maldonado Family. Maria Hernandez. Dani and Ale Navarro. And so many more. Whether it was for them or for me... I know that because of who I am, it was necessary to meet them. 

Sure. I changed dramatically on my mission. My testimony is unshakeable, now. I know that this Gospel of Jesus Christ is the true gospel. I know that I am a daughter of a KING. I learned how to live alone, and how to take care of your companion when they need someone. I learned to not judge someone for their past, no matter how bleak and hard it might have been. I came to know that I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father.. a relationship that means more to me than anything else on the planet.

What am I trying to say with this random post of words?

It's okay. It's okay to be the weird sister missionary who still is loud and crazy. It's okay to feel like you aren't LIKE THE REST.

Be you. Be who you want to be. Do what you want to do. Say what you want and need to say. I'm grateful I'm not like other sister missionaries that have come home. I'm grateful that I'm still just as crazy as the day I left. I'm grateful that I found out who I am.

The mission... My heart isn't all here with me in little Utah. Benemerito, Vallejo... that is where the other part of me is. And it will forever be a place indescribable.

The Spirit Testifies

There are many things from my mission that I keep near and dear to my heart. Things that only my companions and I shared, whether with each other or with the amazing people we were with. They are things that I will never be able to express or share with others, because they are so special to me. So sacred.
But there is one story that I will always share. I will always testify that the Holy Ghost is a partner, right along with our Savior and Heavenly Father. The Holy Ghost will ALWAYS testify of the truth. Of the things we should be doing. The good. The correct. The "bueno".
My last week before I came home was a roller coaster. It was one week that I will never be able to forget. Every day is etched in my testimony.
Monday was an amazing day. I got to see old friends in the mission. We were able to hang out, eat some tacos, and just talk and relax. The joy of P-day. While there, I received a call from President Hall. He asked my companion and I to come to his house that night so that I could talk with my amazing stake president, President Spackman. We had to discuss what we were going to do about my health problems. Whether I was going to stay in the mission.
Now you have to understand... up to this point, I had been fighting my illness for 7 months. I was doing everything to stay. I wasn't ever ready to go. But then again, I don't think anyone really ever is.
We got to President Hall's house, and I ran upstairs to chat with President Spackman. The second we started talking, I just cried. Hearing a voice from home that has influenced me since I was a little girl was a tender moment. We talked and we both knew I was going to stay. I was going to finish this mission if it killed me. I had the desire. The faith. It was the goal. With that, we ended the phone call, both on a good note. I had an appointment with the mission doctor the next day to see if he would clear me to stay or not.
You could say my anxiety was at a level 47 on a scale of 1-10.
Tuesday, I headed out with two other Hermana's leaving my daughter, Hermana Gomez, in another area with another missionary. Side note: Never was fun to do that. We both were so relieved to be home together again every time.
The doctor was located at the Mexico Temple, so it was about an hour and a half drive from our mission. Long, stressful, and a painful. That is the only way to describe this unavoidable drive. We got to his offices, and started to discuss with the doctors the problems I had been having. By this time, I had already visited the doctors multiple times in my mission. We had a pretty good relationship. After about 25 minutes of discussion, the doctor and his wife looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'm sorry, sister. We think the only option for you is to go home and get the help you need."
My heart broke.
You know that pain, that heartache that you can literally feel pounding in your chest?
I was experiencing this. But I wasn't ready to back down. To stop. To just... give up.
I'm not a quitter.
We returned home, all a little bit more quiet. This wasn't the end. We knew it.
Wednesday came. I was sick that day. We went and did as much work as we could. But I just couldn't keep up with the flow of the day. My head was killing me. My vision was in and out all day. I stayed with members while my companion went to work with a member. I slept a lot that day.. so, so, so much.
Thursday. Thursday was...
There really isn't a word for it. I could say it was the most heartbreaking day in my entire life. The hardest thing I had ever done. The saddest decision I had ever had to make. I could say all of that. But it wouldn't explain the feelings that I had this day. I woke up, still sick. But I wasn't wasting another day in the house. We went to work, just as we always did. We met up with the elders at 2:00 to go and eat with a member of our amazing ward. While there, I received a call from President Hall. He asked how I was feeling, and me.. being Courtney.. replied, "So good, President! I feel great!" Needless to say, he could tell by my tone of held back tears, I wasn't doing so hot. He asked me, "Hermana Hamilton. I need to know. What is your decision? Are you going to stay or go home? This is your decision, but I need to know."
My response? "President. I'm not going. I won't. I'm staying. We have so much work to do here. I will suck it up. I will work through it. It's WORTH IT."
President Hall - "Okay, hermana. It's okay. I will let your stake president know."
I went back into the members house, a little shaken up, but feeling good with my decision.
Then twenty minutes passed.
20. Minutes.
President called us again. I thought he would be telling me, "Hermana Hamilton, your stake president is on board with you staying. You're going to be okay."

That was not the call I got.

Me - "Hi, president! Everything okay?"
President Hall - "Hermana.. I think you need to come to my house. I feel like we need to call your parents."
Me - "But President... I said I'm staying?"
President - "I know, Hermana. But I just feel like we need to call them."

I started crying the second we hung up. We jumped in a taxi, silent the entire way there. Hermana Gomez just kept patting my shoulder. Letting me know it was going to be alright. We got to President's house, hugs were shared, and I went upstairs to call my mom. When they answered, three of my favorite people happened to be there.
My mom.
My grandpa.
And my baby sister.
We started chatting. My mom wanted to know everything. EVERYTHING. I told her how I was feeling, but that I wanted to stay. I didn't understand why we were even talking! My mom agreed, and my sister and grandpa supported her. We were all on the same page. I was staying. No if's, and's, or but's. After half an hour of beating around it, trying to find out why we were even talking, I asked to talk to my little sister.
Now, you have to know. This girl is a little punk. But she is the child that I love and respect more than any other person on the entire planet. She is my best friend. She is my girl. I asked her straightforward what I should do.
Gracie was in agreement with my mom and grandpa. But the next thing she said to me changed everything.
She literally stopped. Thought for a second. And said, "Court... I want you to stay out.. but I think you need to come home. I think this is something bad and you need to be here so it doesn't get worse."

And with that, I knew I was coming home. In that instant, the Spirit testified to me... more than I have ever felt in my entire life. It was a wave of reassurance. Of clarity. This is the decision I was looking for. I had spent 7 months praying and asking which answer was right. I never received an answer. I spend 7 months telling my Heavenly Father that I was staying. I was going to finish the Lord's Errand I was on. But the second this little 13 year old girl told me I needed to come home, I received the answer I had been searching for. The craziest part? I'm not the only one who knew. My mom and grandpa had felt it in that moment. We all started sobbing. We knew that was it. I was going home. I was going HOME.

I got off the phone with them, still crying. I went to talk with President Hall and stepped into his office...and just lost it. I cried more than I think I ever had in my entire mission. He told me he knew I was going before I said anything. He was just letting me make the decision for myself.

I didn't have the heart to tell my companion, but she knew. She just.. knew. We hugged and cried and cried and hugged a little bit more.

Friday came and President was on the phone with Salt Lake City, telling them what was going to happen. That I would need to be home as soon as possible.

Saturday the secretaries called me telling me I would be leaving Monday morning with the other elders and sisters that were finishing their missions.

Sunday, I packed my entire life in a few suitcases, said goodbye to the greatest ward of my life, the greatest missionaries that I had the pleasure of working with, and my best friend, my companion. I got to presidents house, I had my final interview. We did the big last dinner. Then a testimony meeting that was one of the most beautiful experiences of my mission.

Monday morning, I woke up. I got dressed and ready, just as always. I threw my luggage in a car, and we were off. We got to the airport and started to head home. We landed in Dallas, feeling more strange than ever. Everyone knew English.. it was getting real.
We were coming h-o-m-e.

Pulling into the Salt Lake City airport was... emotional. First, you see the mountains. Then you see the B for Bountiful, while passing MY Bountiful temple. The next sight is the city. Our tiny little city that we love... then you see the Salt Lake Temple. And you know. You feel it.
You've made it.
I remember jumping onto my knees in the seat and looking back at the elders I was coming home with. We all had tears in our eyes.

Coming out of the plane, down the stairs, and around the corner to a whole gaggle of people crying and cheering for you is one of the most... amazing things you will ever feel. You will ever see. I remember running to my mom and sister and brother, throwing my arms around them. Just crying.

I was home.

It was hard. Hard to make the decision to come. But I know that God had me come home for a reason. I did what I was supposed to in Mexico. And even if I wished it could have been longer, it was time. I will forever be grateful for my little sister, opening her mouth and just saying what needed to be said. And I will testify until the day I die and hereafter... the Spirit is always with us when we are living correctly. He will help us with those decisions that maybe we aren't ready to admit. But He will comfort us. Be our friend. Our companion. This gospel is true. It's black and white. It's either all true, or it's not. And I can say, with complete surety, I know for myself, that the Gospel of Jesus Christ, The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints is the true church. I know it. And I am grateful for that knowledge that I have gained for myself.

Companions to Friends to Sisters

The view from the top of my first house in Benemerito, Arbolillo. This was my first area where I served for four and a half months. My first companion was Hermana Alvarez (26) from Cuernavaca, Mexico. We were together for the first six weeks.

 After my first transfer, Hermana Alvarez was transferred and I received Hermana Garzon (25) from Bogota, Columbia. She taught me everything from how to teach to how to study and how to be a missionary. We were together for three months in our little Benemerito. 

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I was then transferred!

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I had finally been moved from my little 4-streets-by-4-streets area. I was going to transfer to the zone Linda Vista 1, and I was heading for the ward, Vallejo. We showed up at transfers, and I met my new companion! Hermana Rodriguez (22) from Tijuana, Mexico. 

I had finally gained enough confidence to speak the language, and we went CRAZY. I loved my time with Hermana Rodriguez. We had so much fun together. Truth? My first little bit in Vallejo was rough. I didn't want to be there, and I really struggled. Thankfully, my companion was my friend and kept pushing me. We saw so many miracles in this area. We knew we would only be together for a short time, though. Hermana Rodriguez was transferred to Villa De Las Flores after 6 weeks. 

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When we got the calls for transfers.. I remember everything. We had been eating tacos with our bishop and mission leader at about 11:00 at night. Elder Barber, my zone leader, told me that Hermana Rodriguez would be leaving. Cue my tears. Then he went on to tell me that I would be... wait for it...

TRAINING!!!

I freaked. I didn't feel ready at ALL. I felt as though I needed more time to get the language down.. to understand the area.. know the ward. But of course, I didn't have a say in any of this. It was all in God's hands. Monday morning we went to transfers and I jumped in Presidents car, and off we went to meet the newbies! 

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We walked in and saw all the new sisters. We were all waiting for president, and knew he was going to be awhile. The assistants numbered us off and sent us out to contact. I was paired with Hermana Gomez (19) from Veracruz Mexico. We went out, and it was AWKWARD. Normally, I could talk with anyone, but with her, it was hard! We went back to presidents house, and he was getting ready to pair us up. I knew, knew, KNEW that I would be paired with Hermana Gomez. President said, "Hermana Gomez... your companion is... HERMANA HAMILTON."

 

 I died. I knew it was going to happen. We headed go our area, and started out. I didn't know WHAT we were going to do, but it had to be good. For the first few days, we didn't talk that much. She was really quiet.. We had our first companionship inventory on Thursday, where we both told each other, "Okay. I'm not a serious person like this.. can we joke and laugh please?" She went on to tell me that I was intimidating. 

Hermana Gomez and I were together for 6 short weeks, before I came home. I will forever be grateful to Hermana Gomez. She was my best friend in the mission, my daughter, and the best companion that I ever had. I learned SO much from her, and loved our time together. We saw miracles, we baptized, we worked, we had fun.

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I may have only had 4 companions.. but I can honestly say that I learned from each of them. Something different, absolutely. But they did affect my mission, and change me for the better. I have such a testimony that God loves us so much, He will always put those people we need in our life.

People will always come and go. There is a reason. We may not know why we meet or need certain people, but it is for something. Who knows, maybe we need to learn something from them. Or maybe, just maybe, they need to learn something from US.

 

 

Hermana Hamilton, Welcome Home

Hello, there.
Now, a few of you are probably wondering.. Court.. why in the world are you home??? Well, my friends, let me fill you in on this little tale. I had been out serving my mission in the beautiful country of Mexico. In the Distrito Federal to be exact. And it. was. WONDERFUL. But, when things are good and fine and dandy, we know that God puts trials in our way. Life is all about those learning experiences. So, I arrived in Mexico on the 16th of December of 2013. On the 17th, I started to get headaches. Nothing super weird, pretty normal now. But with time, I started having trouble with my eyesight. Then things started getting worse. The headaches were more frequent, the vision loss, all with that. After 7 months, we just decided it was safer for me to come home and get medical treatment. I am currently visiting my doctors and getting the medical attention that I need.
The support from my family has been unreal through all of this. My first week home was hard. Trying to re-Americanize myself was difficult, but they have stuck by me every step of the way. Is it hard being home? The hardest. Not a day goes by where I don't wish I wasn't in my little Mexico, walking the streets with my companion. But I know God has a plan. I know that I am home for a reason. It's all going to be okay. It's going to be alright.

Yup. It was a good week. 6/30/14

Hello, hello, hello! Hi, how are ya!

Me? Im great, thanks for asking! 

First off, Happy Fourth of July this week. We have members that are going to try to make Root Beer (super hard to find here) floats for Elder Foutz and I because we are SO sad to miss this holiday!! Second, I totes am going to hit 8 months on my mission this Sunday. Thats not weird or anything... in reality its totally freaking me out. Time flies so so so fast.

This week, I took the responsibility to write down some things that I knew I should share. SO. Here it goes:

Elder Chavez has become one of my closest friends here in Mexico. Really. He always backs me up, and we do an awesome job team teaching for Family Home Evenings in English and Spanish. (We teach a lot in English with some people) Everyone in our ward knows us as Brother and Sister in law. They think its hilarious. We are just way too good of friends. So, love him too death.

Next, This last week, Hermana Gomez has learned my love for knocking doors. Really, its a rule to NOT do it, unless directed by the Spirit... but I do it for fun. I LOVE IT. Its so much more effective than contacting in the street. By knocking doors, we found a new investigator. Her name is Bertha. Her daughter in law has been talking to missionaries in Cuatepec and keeps saying how great they are and that Bertha should listen to them, too. Then.. we knocked on her door, looking for someone else. Its a constant thing. I have turned into a PRO with that. 

We had interviews with President this week. I cant tell you how much I love him. Really. He just listens so well. We went in with Hermana Hall first. She and I just chatted for EVER. She looked at my area book and was thrilled. She said it was just like Hermana Garzons book, and that we were the best duo. I just laughed. Then I went in with President. We talked about training, how I felt, things like that. By the end, he was crying saying he could never be more proud of me. He thought I would have been home months ago for health reasons, but I just kept going. Its nice to know that he really does have faith in me after alllll the problems I have had. 

I cannot tell you how HARD Satan works when you have a baptism. When you are working SO hard with a family, and everything starts to go wrong. Everything. This Saturday was our baptism of Daniela and Alejandra. Two sisters. Their mom, Bety, is inactive of 16 years and their dad is an alcoholic Catholic. They love us. Always do. We were the first sister missionaries they had ever met, so they were super duper excited to have us in their house. Thursday, Hermana Gomez and I went to their house to eat Cena with them. The dad was DRUNK. Hard core. And he is pretty funny when he is drunk.. but drunk none the less. We showed up and he was fighting with Daniela. We could hear everything that was happening and it wasnt pretty. SO. Dani got kicked out of the house, the dad was mad because the Elders werent with us. He was drunk. I got scared. Called Foutz and told them to get their butts to their house. They ran in the pouring rain. Did I mention I love them? In this time, Edgar, the dad told us that the girls werent going to get baptized. He said they werent good enough for a baptism. Sooo I didnt know what to do. Thankfully, the elders showed up and helped us out. We still werent sure if we were going to have the baptism or not. So we left the house, in pouring rain, and I started bawling my eyes out. I just cried and cried and cried. We have been working SO hard and the date fell. Two days before the baptism. Poor Foutz, he was the only one that saw me cry, and he had no clue what to do. I lost it. So Friday came, we went and cleaned the font. At four, we went and did the interview for Dani, still not knowing if she would get baptized. Saturday came, and all was well. Bety was thrilled, the girls had less fear, and we were good to go. We started filling the pila.. and what happens? There is no water. We figure out how to get it to work, and when it starts coming out.. its black. I cried, YET AGAIN. We got it all figured out, all was well, we had clean water. So then we went to comida... Bishop called us and told us Dani wouldnt be getting baptized. WHAT!!! We didnt understand what happened! So we ran to a bus, got to their house, ran ran ran. All to find out that Dani had a ..girl problem. Aaaare ya kidding me. We talked to her. Asked if she still wanted to get baptized.. told us yes! So, it was a go. At 7:30, everyone from the ward was there. The girls were ready. President came. We had a baptism. And it was beautiful. As soon as Ale came out of the water, she turned to us and said I FEEL SO COOL! We just laughed and hugged and cried. We worked so hard to see them in white, in the water. The next day in Sacrament, they were their in their dresses, with their Personal Progress and Faith in God, their Books of Mormom, ready to receive the Holy Ghost. When they got called to the stand, they just stood up front and smiled and waved at us. I will never be able to describe the happiness I felt just to see them there. Happy. Adorable. Even though everything that COULD have gone wrong with this baptism, went wrong.. it was perfect. I will never forget it. 

Youre going to die at this. If I am still here in Vallejo in November, I am singing a duo in English with a member, Nancy, during stake conference. WHAT. We are singing I Know That My Reedemer Lives and its actually super good. So. To all of you that laughed at me when I sang. Im actually better now. Thats what singing everyday does to you.

All in all, I love you guys a lot. Im so grateful for your support and for your words of jokes and loves always. I love this mission. Its been SO much fun. Hermana Gomez and I are having a blast together. I will send pictures in just a minute. 

Remember I love love love you all and that I love love love this gospel. Sending hugs and kisses and loves from Mexico!

Hermana Hamilton

The Mean Machine 6/23/14

Because we are that cool, we have come up with a group name. Im pretty sure I cant describe how much I just LOVE my little ward companions. Hermana Gomez and I now share a ward with Elder Chavez from Aguascalientes and Elder Foutz from Idaho. This last week has been one of the most fun of my entire mission! Our bishop calls me the Zone Leader now because Im the only one who has time here in the ward. He says Im the boss. I dont argue with that. We all know I love to be in charge!

SO. Quick shout out to my comp. I just love Hermana Gomez. Its been so fun to be with someone my own age who is SO funny. Really. And she thinks Im hilarious. So thats a plus. Our ward is in love with us. Really. Everyone is always asking us to come and hang out or come do a family home evening with them. Its been so nice to be in a ward like this. We are making incredible improvements here in this ward. 

Yesterday was something really special for us. We were practicing for choir, just waiting for sacrament to start. And then in walked an inactive. Of a LONG time. Her name is Sara Luna. She is a returned missionary, but had problems with sisters in the ward for a long time. And yesterday was the first time she has returned to church in years. YEARS. I cried. We have been working with her since Mothers day. I cried to see her there and have her sit with us. As a group, we had 21 people in the chapel. It was something beautiful!

This Saturday, Im going to have my first baptism. With my two little girls, Dani and Ale! I couldnt be more excited! They are tooooo dang cute and so ready! Pics to come next week. 

Thanks for keeping me updated on everything at home. Really. Its nice to stay in the loop. It sounds like everything is going well! I am praying for you all, ALWAYS. I always keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for your support and works of wisdom every week! 

Hermana Hamilton

Vallejo 2

Ah, the mission. 6/16/14

Hello, one and all! How are ya? Great, Im sure.

Hermana Gomez and I have lived our first week together and we didnt die. So I am counting that as a successful week. We have 3 baptisms coming up. On the 28th, Dani and Ale are getting baptized. They are my FAVORITE people. So adorable, these little girls. They are so excited for their baptism. Dani, the 12 year old, has a lot of worries about the water and all that, but we are working with her, little by little, to overcome her fear. Ale is super excited. She wants to serve a mission when she gets older. She always loves to use my nametag. Its adorable. Pictures in a minute. Ramon is getting baptized on the 5th. He and his wife came with us to stake conference yesterday, and they LOVED it. Our ward is doing everything possible to help us right now. They are really involved in the work. They love to go out and work with us alllllll the time. Our bishop is the coolest. He pulled me aside again the other day to tell me they havent had a sister missionary like me yet. He is so excited for all the work that we are doing. AND he thinks Im funny. Winner, Winner, chicken dinner. 

With this being our first week together, Im starting to teach Hermana Gomez how to teach. And Im not saying I know everything. Thats far from the truth. Together, we are learning a lot. But when we are in a lesson, or doing practices, and she uses one of my examples? I get so excited. My confidence has grown SO much here in the mission. I am completely different than I was at home. Yes, I still burp and spit like a man like I did at home, and Im not afraid to tell someone what Im thinking (you know me.. direct), but I have become more of an adult. I actually think before I speak or act. It seems to work out nicely. 

I hit 6 months here in Mexico, today. I have 7 and a half months in my mission. Im sorry, but where did time go?? With all of the problems I have had here, time has FLOWN by. I dont want it to go by so fast. Im trying to enjoy it and do all I can while I have this time. Vallejo is going to grow. We are going to do serious work here. With the elders, we have 15 baptisms in June and July planned. Bishop AND President promised to buy us dinner in any resturant that we want after we hit this goal. I am so stoked.

All in all, the mission is great. My comp is adorable. My area is fabulous. Our members love us. Our investigators are getting baptized.. I cant think of anything better. I love you all, I love this gospel, and I love being a missionary.

Les amo con todo mi corazon,

Hermana Hamilton