Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

My good friend, Maggie, made this comment the other day. "There are no such thing as coincidences. It's just times that the Spirit remains anonymous."

I'm pretty sure that is the most accurate statement to ever be made in the history of all time. Ever.

We will start with a story from last week. Last Sunday, to be exact. As you all know, my good friend Maggie is now on an adventure in New Jersey working as a nanny. Has it been the hardest thing ever? Why yes. Yes it has. But that's not the point of this story! 

So. 

Every Sunday (we try to make it every Sunday), Breckell Souifua, Maggie, and myself make our way to the Bountiful temple to just walk around and talk about life and all that is happening. It's one of my most favorite weekly traditions. With last Sunday being our last chance to do this, we made the decision to venture to Salt Lake City and walk around Temple Square. Best. Night. Ever. 

We took pictures, chatted, walked in silence and just took in the spirit of the temple. As we were leaving, we happened upon a group of Polynesian individuals singing to the sister missionaries that were heading back to their apartments. We sat and listened as they finished the song. They said goodbye to the sisters and Maggie jumped at the open opportunity. She asked the singers if they would sing one more song for us. They were hesitant at first. We started talking to them about random things. They asked if we were going on missions, which we all replied yes to and that I had my call. 

That's when the magic really began. 

They said they were going to sing a song of verses straight from the Doctrine and Covenants about missionary work. I was in tears. The spirit was so unbelievably strong, I couldn't keep my emotions inside.

We sat and thanked them for singing that amazing song for us. Maggie requested another song, I Know My Redeemer Lives. They weren't as excited to do this. We talked with them about how this was our last weekend together and that we never came to the Salt Lake temple for our Sunday adventures. Maggie started crying and you could see that they knew they needed to sing. The two boys of the group decided on a mash up of I Feel My Savior's Love and I Know My Redeemer Lives. 

I never wanted the song to end. It was exactly what we needed as friends. All three of us started crying. The spirit was SO strong. I didn't want it to end. As soon as the song was over, the singers all said how they felt that they needed to come to temple square that night. I have no doubt in my mind that it was for us. 

Coincidence? I think not. There was a reason we went to Salt Lake. There was a reason we happened upon a group of singers that weren't even planning on going that night. I think Heavenly Father knew that we needed that. 

As we drove back to Maggie's house, there was complete silence in the car. Mags cried most of the way home with the realization that she was leaving. We say in her driveway for about an hour and a half just talking. 

Okay. Not really talking. More like sobbing. 

I think that it was all part of the plan that Maggie, Breckell, and I all became close. We need(ed) each other, more than ever. 

Side note: If you read this whole post, I love you and think the world of you. 

NEXT STORY

So I'm at work the other day. And it was SUCKY. I'm not even kidding. I've never had that bad of a day before. Normally work is the thing that makes me feel better. Not this time!

It was Wednesday. The day that my BFF had officially left for New Jersey. I came into work crying because I had never felt more alone. I had 0 friends. My boss and one of the supervisors came to check on me and I was just a wreck. They hugged me and said it was all going to be okay. 

Sure, sure. That's what they all say. 

So I'm out on the sales floor when who walks in? Noel Greenhalgh! I about shouted with joy. I ran over to her and she gave me the biggest hug! We say and talked for a bit. She took one look at me and knew something was up. (She is fantastic at reading people.) I told her about Maggie and how I was feeling more alone than ever. At first, she joked saying now I could come see her and hang out with her more. 

Really though. I will. 

After joking around for a minute, she became serious. She looked and me and said, "I wasn't going to come in today. I had no reason to. I have so much to do at home. But I had a feeling that I needed to come in and see if you were working. I think this is why."

Coincidence? I really don't believe so. Noel has been there for me a lot these last few months. Having her show up at work and just talk to me was exactly what I needed. She knew what to say, she told me that I needed to come hang out with the kids, all of that. I was on the verge of tears the whole time. 

The spirit works in mysterious ways. 

So-called coincidences of my life:

1. I had my best friends. People I thought I would never separate from. But Mags and I were so lucky to have seminary together last year. We started to talk and now we have an "eternal friendship" (inside reference between the two of us) 

2. The mission age changed right as my hips were at their worst. The mission age changed right as I didn't make the high school soccer team. The mission age changed when I decided for myself that I wanted to marry a young man worthy to take me to the temple. The mission age changed when I had no clue where I was going to go for school the next year. 

3. Hispanic couples keep coming into work and talk with me. They speak Spanish and I have to try and decipher what they are saying. 

4. I'm speaking Spanish on my mission. I want to be a social worker when I return home. Knowing two languages will be so beneficial. 

5. My sister is my number one go to person. We are so ridiculously close right now. 

6. I wasn't supposed to run cross country in high school. I probably ran about 5 races and then stopped. But I met the most amazing guy from it. 

These are just a few things I think of when I think of "coincidences". I think the Heavenly Father and Christ have a plan for us. They know what we need, when we need it most. 

These last few months have been some of the most spiritual times of my life. I couldn't be any more grateful for this amazing, perfect, beautiful gospel and all that we have been blessed with. 

Update

Spanish is kicking my butt. 

No. Not just kicking... 

Spanish has taken me by the hair and is whipping me back and forth. (No intentional reference to Willow Smith's song, though it is kind of catchy.) 

Seriously though. 

I'm sitting at work today, having a grand old time. When in walks a sweet couple. They are Hispanic and I can tell they don't speak much English. They ask me to help them find something. 

My immediate thought? "Oh my gosh. What do I do. Maybe if I run away they will find someone else."

Guys. I'm not kidding. I almost booked it the other direction. 

In their question, I could pull out a word or two here and there. I knew enough to help them to the right section. It went downhill from there. They kept repeating the same thing over and over again and I had no clue what they were saying. I wanted to cry I felt so bad that I couldn't help them. I ran to the computer and tried typing in what they needed. Nothing popped up. I ran to find my manager, who thankfully speaks Spanish, and begged him to come help me. We found the couple up by the register holding two "Our Heritage" books. I felt so stupid. John, my manager, sat and chatted with the wife for a minute then they were on their way. 

I think this was a sign that I need to start working on my español ASAP. I wanted to cry after this. I can barely teach people in English, how will I ever teach them in Spanish?? 

I know that Heavenly Father will provide a way for me to pick up the language and be able to speak it. But I think he is telling me that I need to start now and put in extra effort. Tonight was a serious learning experience. Time to buckle down and start studying better.  

I'm Going To Be A Missionary

I work at the good old DB, right? Deseret Book, for those of you who are already confused. Anywho. It's basically the greatest job I could ever have and I love it. Even if I do complain sometimes. Working there for these last few months has helped me tremendously when it comes to my mission. It's strengthened my love for the gospel and for the people I will serve. 

Well... It was super slow today. So of course all of the girls and I were sitting up at the front register just chatting our little hearts away. In walks a nice lady, probably late 30's early 40's. She came right up to the register, and blurted out, "I'm not a Mormon." We sat there, a little taken aback and confused. She proceeded to say that she was taking the discussions from 2 sister missionaries and needed the other books. She said she had the Book of Mormon, but not the other ones and needed help. April, a girl I work with, and myself started talking to this lady about the Doctrine and Covenants and The Pearl of Great Price. This poor lady was just so confused on why we read so many books. April walked her to the back and showed her a triple combination book and how they weren't expensive and they were fairly small. While April and this lady were gone, I turned to Alex, another coworker, and just smiled. Alex said, "You're going to be such a good missionary. You just lit up when she said she needed help with the books." That was probably one of the best things I could have heard all day. When the lady came back up to the front, we sat and chatted. She said she was a single woman, living alone, and that she would never let the elders come over because that would just be weird. She loves the sisters that are currently teaching her. She kept boasting about how they have all become her friends and how they have the greatest spirits and personality about them. 

Sister missionaries for the win!

Our lovely friend couldn't believe that one of the girls teaching her was only 19. She loved her so much! After we rang this lady out and she left, I just sat back and thought. I thought about how I am going to meet people that take this gospel and just run with it. I hope to meet someone with such a fiery spirit as the lady I met today while out on my mission. I can't wait to go and serve The Lord and give 18 months to the people of Mexico City. 

Remember ladies and gents... 

The church is true. 

The book is blue. 

Remember who you are and what you stand for. 

Dear Best Friend-

You have no idea how much I miss you. And it's true. I really do miss you more and more everyday. But I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to apologize. Yes, things happened that you might not have liked. But that happens. I wasn't malicious in my actions. It would have been a whole different story if I was acting in spite of you. Which you and I both know I would never do, because I love you. 

I've talked to our mutual friends. They agree that this fight I stupid. I want to talk it out, but you're completely against it. I miss having you to turn to. One day I hope you can look back and see how ridiculous this all is. It's a misunderstanding and things have been blown way too far out of proportion. 

When YOUR best guy friend and my best guy friend are talking about it while they are together, that's when you know this has gotten out of hand. They agree that you need to sit and listen to my side of the story. But you choose to only listen to what you want. 

I'm not saying any of this to be rude or hurtful. I'm saying it because it's honest and upfront. That's how we USED to be with each other. It's how we worked. 

I miss you. I miss your family. I miss our times together. I want it back to how it was. But until you are ready to sit and talk, I will go on with my life just as you will with yours. 

Dear best friend... This sucks. I miss you. I love you. I pray for you. I hope you're well. I am ALWAYS going to be here for you. No matter what happens. 

Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You

Because we all know how much of a sappy romantic I am. Tears. That is what happens during these kinds of dances. 

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...

New Jersey, Say What?

Went and did baptisms this morning with some friends. Thought it was a typical morning. 

I WAS WRONG. So very wrong. 

Driving to go and drop my good friend, Maggie, off at home when what happens? She tells me she has news. BIG news. She tells the tale of how she is now going to nanny in New Jersey for 9 months. And here is the real kicker. She leaves the first week of October. 

*Moment of silence*

Okay now freak out. WHAT. Where did this come from?! My one and only girlfriend still at home is leaving before I am. (Slightly jealous. But that's a different story.) I couldn't be more excited for my beautiful friend!!! I know in my heart that this is exactly where she needs to be. As sad as I will be for that month that we won't be together, I will be more excited for her. She gets to go live a real life. Experience the world. It's completely perfect for her. 

I love my friend. She's stuck by me through some stuff that I couldn't deal with alone. She is the Light that I needed in my life. To surround myself with people who cherish the gospel as much as I do has turned my whole life around. I owe so much to her and I don't know how I will ever repay her. She's been the example that I needed. Whether she goes on a mission, gets married, or ends up staying in New Jersey, I will have her back and support her one million percent. I'm beyond excited and proud of her. 

Now the real fun begins... Shopping for the both of us to leave. She finally understands what it's like to have a deadline of when you need to leave your home. This should be fun. ;) 

So What Now?

In my last post, I noted how I am struggling with dating and opening up. Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of the male gender and I'm not afraid to say who is attractive. But within the last year or two, I have struggled beyond belief to make anything happen with a guy!

Now you may be thinking, "Courtney. This is the stupidest post I've ever read. Why are you even writing this?" Well my dear readers, I don't keep a journal. This is basically the open book of my life. So if you don't care, don't read! If you're interested in knowing how I became so messed up when it comes to guys, prepare yourself for a good time. 

Two boys. How can two boys take a girls life and turn it upside-down? How should I even begin to write this? Well. For each boy, we will give them a letter to signify who they are. Whether it's the first letter of his name or the last letter, no one will know but me. Unless you're really smart and know my life. 

So. J. We will start with him. 

Imagine this, if you will. I'm an 8 year old at a new school with no friends. In walks a boy from my new church class. Boom. Best friends right off the bat. 10 years later, we've dated, broken up, basically been siblings, hated each other, been each others only friends. Really anything you could ever imagine. Then one fateful day in February of 2012, he decided he didn't want me in his life. His exact words were, "I don't need your friendship in my life anymore." Yeah. I was an emotional wreck for weeks after that. Ask my friends. I'm pretty sure I cried everyday. 16 months later, we still hasn't spoken. Until we met at Deseret Book. We talked for a minute. The next encounter we had was at his house. Really, his farewell. He's been out serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for about 2 months now. 

He's just a boy. It shouldn't be that big a deal, right? WRONG. I've lost all trust in people. Thanks to good J. Going from best friends to absolutely nothing is the worst thing. We were supposed to make it through everything together. Best friends for life. But, he had other plans. I don't know what I did, what happened. He just decided we were done. I promise, this was one of the hardest times in my life. It may seem so little to others, but it affected me more than you'll know. 

So boy 1 gave me the great trait of not trusting anyone anymore. 

Boy 2 is A. Oh A, what can I even say except for the fact that you are breaking my heart a little bit more with every week that passes. The story is simple. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl can't commit. They date off and on for 3, let me repeat 3, years. Boy is sick of it and tells the girl he's done. Girl is heartbroken. Girl is still in love with boy. Boy writes her off. Girl tries to be okay with it, but is so sad. 

That's the story in a nutshell. A is the boy that I am head over heels for. But he doesn't reciprocate the same feelings. Granted he is out on his mission and can't focus on girls. Plus I'm leaving soon. But sometimes, all I need from him is an email that he's doing alright. I miss him more than anything right now. Having feelings for someone and them not feeling them back is what can mess you up. It hurts. 

Sometimes, I just wish I knew who I was supposed to end up with and when we would meet. Waiting sucks and the added heartbreak is no fun. I just want to date around and have a good time. But nope. I can't because I'm so wound up in these two histories. I ROCK, GUYS. 

That's all for now. You all can sit and ponder my awesome struggles when it comes to males. Because that's what I do! Sit and think about it every single day. 

Until later, remember who you are and what you stand for!