Now you may be thinking, "Courtney. This is the stupidest post I've ever read. Why are you even writing this?" Well my dear readers, I don't keep a journal. This is basically the open book of my life. So if you don't care, don't read! If you're interested in knowing how I became so messed up when it comes to guys, prepare yourself for a good time.
Two boys. How can two boys take a girls life and turn it upside-down? How should I even begin to write this? Well. For each boy, we will give them a letter to signify who they are. Whether it's the first letter of his name or the last letter, no one will know but me. Unless you're really smart and know my life.
So. J. We will start with him.
Imagine this, if you will. I'm an 8 year old at a new school with no friends. In walks a boy from my new church class. Boom. Best friends right off the bat. 10 years later, we've dated, broken up, basically been siblings, hated each other, been each others only friends. Really anything you could ever imagine. Then one fateful day in February of 2012, he decided he didn't want me in his life. His exact words were, "I don't need your friendship in my life anymore." Yeah. I was an emotional wreck for weeks after that. Ask my friends. I'm pretty sure I cried everyday. 16 months later, we still hasn't spoken. Until we met at Deseret Book. We talked for a minute. The next encounter we had was at his house. Really, his farewell. He's been out serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for about 2 months now.
He's just a boy. It shouldn't be that big a deal, right? WRONG. I've lost all trust in people. Thanks to good J. Going from best friends to absolutely nothing is the worst thing. We were supposed to make it through everything together. Best friends for life. But, he had other plans. I don't know what I did, what happened. He just decided we were done. I promise, this was one of the hardest times in my life. It may seem so little to others, but it affected me more than you'll know.
So boy 1 gave me the great trait of not trusting anyone anymore.
Boy 2 is A. Oh A, what can I even say except for the fact that you are breaking my heart a little bit more with every week that passes. The story is simple. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl can't commit. They date off and on for 3, let me repeat 3, years. Boy is sick of it and tells the girl he's done. Girl is heartbroken. Girl is still in love with boy. Boy writes her off. Girl tries to be okay with it, but is so sad.
That's the story in a nutshell. A is the boy that I am head over heels for. But he doesn't reciprocate the same feelings. Granted he is out on his mission and can't focus on girls. Plus I'm leaving soon. But sometimes, all I need from him is an email that he's doing alright. I miss him more than anything right now. Having feelings for someone and them not feeling them back is what can mess you up. It hurts.
Sometimes, I just wish I knew who I was supposed to end up with and when we would meet. Waiting sucks and the added heartbreak is no fun. I just want to date around and have a good time. But nope. I can't because I'm so wound up in these two histories. I ROCK, GUYS.
That's all for now. You all can sit and ponder my awesome struggles when it comes to males. Because that's what I do! Sit and think about it every single day.
Until later, remember who you are and what you stand for!
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