Update

Spanish is kicking my butt. 

No. Not just kicking... 

Spanish has taken me by the hair and is whipping me back and forth. (No intentional reference to Willow Smith's song, though it is kind of catchy.) 

Seriously though. 

I'm sitting at work today, having a grand old time. When in walks a sweet couple. They are Hispanic and I can tell they don't speak much English. They ask me to help them find something. 

My immediate thought? "Oh my gosh. What do I do. Maybe if I run away they will find someone else."

Guys. I'm not kidding. I almost booked it the other direction. 

In their question, I could pull out a word or two here and there. I knew enough to help them to the right section. It went downhill from there. They kept repeating the same thing over and over again and I had no clue what they were saying. I wanted to cry I felt so bad that I couldn't help them. I ran to the computer and tried typing in what they needed. Nothing popped up. I ran to find my manager, who thankfully speaks Spanish, and begged him to come help me. We found the couple up by the register holding two "Our Heritage" books. I felt so stupid. John, my manager, sat and chatted with the wife for a minute then they were on their way. 

I think this was a sign that I need to start working on my español ASAP. I wanted to cry after this. I can barely teach people in English, how will I ever teach them in Spanish?? 

I know that Heavenly Father will provide a way for me to pick up the language and be able to speak it. But I think he is telling me that I need to start now and put in extra effort. Tonight was a serious learning experience. Time to buckle down and start studying better.  

I'm Going To Be A Missionary

I work at the good old DB, right? Deseret Book, for those of you who are already confused. Anywho. It's basically the greatest job I could ever have and I love it. Even if I do complain sometimes. Working there for these last few months has helped me tremendously when it comes to my mission. It's strengthened my love for the gospel and for the people I will serve. 

Well... It was super slow today. So of course all of the girls and I were sitting up at the front register just chatting our little hearts away. In walks a nice lady, probably late 30's early 40's. She came right up to the register, and blurted out, "I'm not a Mormon." We sat there, a little taken aback and confused. She proceeded to say that she was taking the discussions from 2 sister missionaries and needed the other books. She said she had the Book of Mormon, but not the other ones and needed help. April, a girl I work with, and myself started talking to this lady about the Doctrine and Covenants and The Pearl of Great Price. This poor lady was just so confused on why we read so many books. April walked her to the back and showed her a triple combination book and how they weren't expensive and they were fairly small. While April and this lady were gone, I turned to Alex, another coworker, and just smiled. Alex said, "You're going to be such a good missionary. You just lit up when she said she needed help with the books." That was probably one of the best things I could have heard all day. When the lady came back up to the front, we sat and chatted. She said she was a single woman, living alone, and that she would never let the elders come over because that would just be weird. She loves the sisters that are currently teaching her. She kept boasting about how they have all become her friends and how they have the greatest spirits and personality about them. 

Sister missionaries for the win!

Our lovely friend couldn't believe that one of the girls teaching her was only 19. She loved her so much! After we rang this lady out and she left, I just sat back and thought. I thought about how I am going to meet people that take this gospel and just run with it. I hope to meet someone with such a fiery spirit as the lady I met today while out on my mission. I can't wait to go and serve The Lord and give 18 months to the people of Mexico City. 

Remember ladies and gents... 

The church is true. 

The book is blue. 

Remember who you are and what you stand for. 

Dear Best Friend-

You have no idea how much I miss you. And it's true. I really do miss you more and more everyday. But I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to apologize. Yes, things happened that you might not have liked. But that happens. I wasn't malicious in my actions. It would have been a whole different story if I was acting in spite of you. Which you and I both know I would never do, because I love you. 

I've talked to our mutual friends. They agree that this fight I stupid. I want to talk it out, but you're completely against it. I miss having you to turn to. One day I hope you can look back and see how ridiculous this all is. It's a misunderstanding and things have been blown way too far out of proportion. 

When YOUR best guy friend and my best guy friend are talking about it while they are together, that's when you know this has gotten out of hand. They agree that you need to sit and listen to my side of the story. But you choose to only listen to what you want. 

I'm not saying any of this to be rude or hurtful. I'm saying it because it's honest and upfront. That's how we USED to be with each other. It's how we worked. 

I miss you. I miss your family. I miss our times together. I want it back to how it was. But until you are ready to sit and talk, I will go on with my life just as you will with yours. 

Dear best friend... This sucks. I miss you. I love you. I pray for you. I hope you're well. I am ALWAYS going to be here for you. No matter what happens. 

Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You

Because we all know how much of a sappy romantic I am. Tears. That is what happens during these kinds of dances. 

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...

New Jersey, Say What?

Went and did baptisms this morning with some friends. Thought it was a typical morning. 

I WAS WRONG. So very wrong. 

Driving to go and drop my good friend, Maggie, off at home when what happens? She tells me she has news. BIG news. She tells the tale of how she is now going to nanny in New Jersey for 9 months. And here is the real kicker. She leaves the first week of October. 

*Moment of silence*

Okay now freak out. WHAT. Where did this come from?! My one and only girlfriend still at home is leaving before I am. (Slightly jealous. But that's a different story.) I couldn't be more excited for my beautiful friend!!! I know in my heart that this is exactly where she needs to be. As sad as I will be for that month that we won't be together, I will be more excited for her. She gets to go live a real life. Experience the world. It's completely perfect for her. 

I love my friend. She's stuck by me through some stuff that I couldn't deal with alone. She is the Light that I needed in my life. To surround myself with people who cherish the gospel as much as I do has turned my whole life around. I owe so much to her and I don't know how I will ever repay her. She's been the example that I needed. Whether she goes on a mission, gets married, or ends up staying in New Jersey, I will have her back and support her one million percent. I'm beyond excited and proud of her. 

Now the real fun begins... Shopping for the both of us to leave. She finally understands what it's like to have a deadline of when you need to leave your home. This should be fun. ;) 

So What Now?

In my last post, I noted how I am struggling with dating and opening up. Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of the male gender and I'm not afraid to say who is attractive. But within the last year or two, I have struggled beyond belief to make anything happen with a guy!

Now you may be thinking, "Courtney. This is the stupidest post I've ever read. Why are you even writing this?" Well my dear readers, I don't keep a journal. This is basically the open book of my life. So if you don't care, don't read! If you're interested in knowing how I became so messed up when it comes to guys, prepare yourself for a good time. 

Two boys. How can two boys take a girls life and turn it upside-down? How should I even begin to write this? Well. For each boy, we will give them a letter to signify who they are. Whether it's the first letter of his name or the last letter, no one will know but me. Unless you're really smart and know my life. 

So. J. We will start with him. 

Imagine this, if you will. I'm an 8 year old at a new school with no friends. In walks a boy from my new church class. Boom. Best friends right off the bat. 10 years later, we've dated, broken up, basically been siblings, hated each other, been each others only friends. Really anything you could ever imagine. Then one fateful day in February of 2012, he decided he didn't want me in his life. His exact words were, "I don't need your friendship in my life anymore." Yeah. I was an emotional wreck for weeks after that. Ask my friends. I'm pretty sure I cried everyday. 16 months later, we still hasn't spoken. Until we met at Deseret Book. We talked for a minute. The next encounter we had was at his house. Really, his farewell. He's been out serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for about 2 months now. 

He's just a boy. It shouldn't be that big a deal, right? WRONG. I've lost all trust in people. Thanks to good J. Going from best friends to absolutely nothing is the worst thing. We were supposed to make it through everything together. Best friends for life. But, he had other plans. I don't know what I did, what happened. He just decided we were done. I promise, this was one of the hardest times in my life. It may seem so little to others, but it affected me more than you'll know. 

So boy 1 gave me the great trait of not trusting anyone anymore. 

Boy 2 is A. Oh A, what can I even say except for the fact that you are breaking my heart a little bit more with every week that passes. The story is simple. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl can't commit. They date off and on for 3, let me repeat 3, years. Boy is sick of it and tells the girl he's done. Girl is heartbroken. Girl is still in love with boy. Boy writes her off. Girl tries to be okay with it, but is so sad. 

That's the story in a nutshell. A is the boy that I am head over heels for. But he doesn't reciprocate the same feelings. Granted he is out on his mission and can't focus on girls. Plus I'm leaving soon. But sometimes, all I need from him is an email that he's doing alright. I miss him more than anything right now. Having feelings for someone and them not feeling them back is what can mess you up. It hurts. 

Sometimes, I just wish I knew who I was supposed to end up with and when we would meet. Waiting sucks and the added heartbreak is no fun. I just want to date around and have a good time. But nope. I can't because I'm so wound up in these two histories. I ROCK, GUYS. 

That's all for now. You all can sit and ponder my awesome struggles when it comes to males. Because that's what I do! Sit and think about it every single day. 

Until later, remember who you are and what you stand for!

Lacking and Slacking

My deepest apologies, ladies and gents. I used to be so on top of keeping up with my blog. But as of late, I haven't been posting really anything meaningful or noteworthy. I give my most sincere apologies.

What is new, you ask?
(Okay. Maybe you didn't ask that. Just go along with it.)
Well, my lovely readers, there is much to say that has begun! As you know, I have my mission call.

Mexico City Northwest sisters, can I get an AMEN!

I've met two girls now going to my mission. And the nice young gentleman that tested my language a few weeks ago also served in the beautiful city. Heavenly Father knew that I was going to be an anxious-basket case if I arrived in Mexico not knowing one person or knowing anything about the area. That's why, thankfully, He set it up that I would meet my new Sister (see what I did there? Sister... Sister Missionaries.. ah I'm so funny!), Jaclyn! I like to believe that we were friends before this life.

*Story time*
So. I opened my mission call. Freaked out. Came to terms with it. Hashtagged #mexicomexicocitynorthwest on the good old Instagram. And what else popped up with that lovely hashtag? ANOTHER MISSIONARY PICTURE. There was only one other. So you see why I was so excited. Me, being the creep I am, commented on this young fellows photo (it was a picture of him and my home girl, Jaclyn) and said I was going to the same mission! From there, Jaclyn and I texted and after about 2 minutes of talking, I decided that this was going to be a good friendship. We were already acting like friends that had known each other for years. By some weird fate, she had a bridal party in Roy the following Saturday. I wasn't home, but made the joke that her and her parents could come visit me at the good old DB. Yeah. They did. Thankfully, she's just as outgoing as I am, so meeting wasn't awkward. We continued to text and get to know each other. We decided we wanted to go out for lunch in the next week. We picked on a day and that was that. Not even 5 minutes later, she texted me saying we should go do baptisms at the Bountiful temple if we were going to already be there. Funny thing is, I was telling my mom how I was planning on going to do baptisms after lunch already. This made me laugh so hard. Obviously we are supposed to be friends. Since that day, we've been great friends. She leaves a few weeks before I do, but we should be able to catch each other for about a week in the MTC. She's pavin' the way in Mexico. I refer to her as mi futuro companero. I can't wait for us both to be on Mexican soil and teaching and preaching our way into peoples hearts.

Other than that, I work my life away. CB (Cherry Berry) and DB (Deseret Book) are working me to the b-o-n-e. It's nice to earn some money, but I do miss having a social life. I have about 2 friends I could call up right this second and just talk to. Mags, because she's great. And my good friend Brennan. But ya know.. he works everyday as well. So we only talk late at night or early in the morning. I just have to remember... quality. NOT quantity. Mags has been great. During times of stress, she has really stepped up and been the friend that I need. Plus she's an awesome role model to my little sister. Brennan is just as great. He keeps me laughing when I'm struggling. He's great to hang out with and talk to at 2 in the a.m.

I've learned a lot about myself these last few weeks. I don't take crap from people. I can handle being on my own. I really like to shop and buy skirts and shirts and dresses. Regular music makes me sick to my stomach. #hilaryweeksforthewin. 90% of my friends are over the age of 20. I can't really date anymore. As much as I love boys and imagine myself dating them, I just can't do it. I don't get anything from it these days. SO THAT'S GREAT. I miss my soccer sisters. Things were always easier when I could go to them for help. But ya know, growing up and moving away to schools changes things. Thankfully we are pretty good about keeping up with each other.

I promise that I will try to stay on top of my posting game. I mean... I only have 65 days until I leave. I need to make sure I leave SOMETHING good behind.

With the end of this post, I feel like I need to finish with something random and hopefully helpful to someone:

You are great. I don't care how many times you've been told that. Believe it at least this one time. I believe in YOU. You are here for a reason, and you have a purpose. God knew that you were going to be a force to reckon with. That's why He saved you for this day and age. Please don't give up. Don't give up on yourself, your dreams, all the things you're working for. None of it. It's worth it. YOU are worth it. I love you. Never, ever, ever, forget that.

Until next time, sleep well, all. Say your prayers. Remember who you are and what you stand for.

Some Nights

Some nights I sit here in bed wondering if I'm on the right path. Then I get thinking about someone else. I wonder how they are and if they are living right. I got down tonight and prayed for my future husband. I have no clue where he is, who he is, or what he is doing. I just know that he needed a prayer right about now. You may think I'm crazy, but it was one of those weird promptings that just come on. I can't wait to finally meet him and start our lives together. I know I'm only 18, but I want to make sure he is okay. Besides, that's what our church is about, right? Caring and praying for others? 

Okay, I'm done. Random babbling of the night. Sleep well, all. Say your prayers. Remember who you are and what you stand for.