I'm A Weird RM

Yesterday was a little bit weird for me.

Okay.

A lot a bit.

There was a homecoming in my ward for a sister who served her full 18 months. The goal for all sister missionaries, ya know? That year a half that we devote to this beautiful gospel we have been blessed with.

I got my 9 months and came home.

And don't get me wrong. It was what had to happen. I needed to come home. Especially since I'm still getting my killer migraines. Side note: Not as fun as people thing they are. -.-

ANYWHO. Back to topic.

So I'm sitting there in sacrament meeting listening to this sister speak. And it was beautiful. Really. I thought she did a phenomenal job and really invited the spirit to be there with us. She was the typical sister missionary. The soft, sweet voice. The maturity of growing and experiencing life in a different culture. All of that jazz.

Then I thought back to myself.

...If you know me.. I'm not that. I never was the sister to sit and say in hushed, loving tones: "Well, brother and sister, Blah blah blah blah." That wasn't me. I was loud. I was direct. I was straight to the point. I cracked jokes constantly.

Coming home, I felt like I wasn't converted like other sister missionaries. That I must not have done my part in the field. I just took it for a joke.

IT'S NOT TRUE.

Satan, ya know? He works at ya. Gets to you in whatever way He possibly can.

Okay, so maybe I'm not like most sister missionaries to return from their mission.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE.

While I was out in the beautiful country of Mexico, I really learned who I was. I learned that it's okay to like yourself. That I may be freaking weird... but that is why I had so many amazing relationships. I believe that we are sent to our missions for who we ARE. Not just what we need to become.

The people that I came to know in Mexico, even for my short time I was there, were the greatest humans to ever exist. I can tell you for a FACT that I was sent to Mexico to meet Perla and Ofelia Mendoza. Ramon Calderon. The Maldonado Family. Maria Hernandez. Dani and Ale Navarro. And so many more. Whether it was for them or for me... I know that because of who I am, it was necessary to meet them. 

Sure. I changed dramatically on my mission. My testimony is unshakeable, now. I know that this Gospel of Jesus Christ is the true gospel. I know that I am a daughter of a KING. I learned how to live alone, and how to take care of your companion when they need someone. I learned to not judge someone for their past, no matter how bleak and hard it might have been. I came to know that I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father.. a relationship that means more to me than anything else on the planet.

What am I trying to say with this random post of words?

It's okay. It's okay to be the weird sister missionary who still is loud and crazy. It's okay to feel like you aren't LIKE THE REST.

Be you. Be who you want to be. Do what you want to do. Say what you want and need to say. I'm grateful I'm not like other sister missionaries that have come home. I'm grateful that I'm still just as crazy as the day I left. I'm grateful that I found out who I am.

The mission... My heart isn't all here with me in little Utah. Benemerito, Vallejo... that is where the other part of me is. And it will forever be a place indescribable.

The Spirit Testifies

There are many things from my mission that I keep near and dear to my heart. Things that only my companions and I shared, whether with each other or with the amazing people we were with. They are things that I will never be able to express or share with others, because they are so special to me. So sacred.
But there is one story that I will always share. I will always testify that the Holy Ghost is a partner, right along with our Savior and Heavenly Father. The Holy Ghost will ALWAYS testify of the truth. Of the things we should be doing. The good. The correct. The "bueno".
My last week before I came home was a roller coaster. It was one week that I will never be able to forget. Every day is etched in my testimony.
Monday was an amazing day. I got to see old friends in the mission. We were able to hang out, eat some tacos, and just talk and relax. The joy of P-day. While there, I received a call from President Hall. He asked my companion and I to come to his house that night so that I could talk with my amazing stake president, President Spackman. We had to discuss what we were going to do about my health problems. Whether I was going to stay in the mission.
Now you have to understand... up to this point, I had been fighting my illness for 7 months. I was doing everything to stay. I wasn't ever ready to go. But then again, I don't think anyone really ever is.
We got to President Hall's house, and I ran upstairs to chat with President Spackman. The second we started talking, I just cried. Hearing a voice from home that has influenced me since I was a little girl was a tender moment. We talked and we both knew I was going to stay. I was going to finish this mission if it killed me. I had the desire. The faith. It was the goal. With that, we ended the phone call, both on a good note. I had an appointment with the mission doctor the next day to see if he would clear me to stay or not.
You could say my anxiety was at a level 47 on a scale of 1-10.
Tuesday, I headed out with two other Hermana's leaving my daughter, Hermana Gomez, in another area with another missionary. Side note: Never was fun to do that. We both were so relieved to be home together again every time.
The doctor was located at the Mexico Temple, so it was about an hour and a half drive from our mission. Long, stressful, and a painful. That is the only way to describe this unavoidable drive. We got to his offices, and started to discuss with the doctors the problems I had been having. By this time, I had already visited the doctors multiple times in my mission. We had a pretty good relationship. After about 25 minutes of discussion, the doctor and his wife looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'm sorry, sister. We think the only option for you is to go home and get the help you need."
My heart broke.
You know that pain, that heartache that you can literally feel pounding in your chest?
I was experiencing this. But I wasn't ready to back down. To stop. To just... give up.
I'm not a quitter.
We returned home, all a little bit more quiet. This wasn't the end. We knew it.
Wednesday came. I was sick that day. We went and did as much work as we could. But I just couldn't keep up with the flow of the day. My head was killing me. My vision was in and out all day. I stayed with members while my companion went to work with a member. I slept a lot that day.. so, so, so much.
Thursday. Thursday was...
There really isn't a word for it. I could say it was the most heartbreaking day in my entire life. The hardest thing I had ever done. The saddest decision I had ever had to make. I could say all of that. But it wouldn't explain the feelings that I had this day. I woke up, still sick. But I wasn't wasting another day in the house. We went to work, just as we always did. We met up with the elders at 2:00 to go and eat with a member of our amazing ward. While there, I received a call from President Hall. He asked how I was feeling, and me.. being Courtney.. replied, "So good, President! I feel great!" Needless to say, he could tell by my tone of held back tears, I wasn't doing so hot. He asked me, "Hermana Hamilton. I need to know. What is your decision? Are you going to stay or go home? This is your decision, but I need to know."
My response? "President. I'm not going. I won't. I'm staying. We have so much work to do here. I will suck it up. I will work through it. It's WORTH IT."
President Hall - "Okay, hermana. It's okay. I will let your stake president know."
I went back into the members house, a little shaken up, but feeling good with my decision.
Then twenty minutes passed.
20. Minutes.
President called us again. I thought he would be telling me, "Hermana Hamilton, your stake president is on board with you staying. You're going to be okay."

That was not the call I got.

Me - "Hi, president! Everything okay?"
President Hall - "Hermana.. I think you need to come to my house. I feel like we need to call your parents."
Me - "But President... I said I'm staying?"
President - "I know, Hermana. But I just feel like we need to call them."

I started crying the second we hung up. We jumped in a taxi, silent the entire way there. Hermana Gomez just kept patting my shoulder. Letting me know it was going to be alright. We got to President's house, hugs were shared, and I went upstairs to call my mom. When they answered, three of my favorite people happened to be there.
My mom.
My grandpa.
And my baby sister.
We started chatting. My mom wanted to know everything. EVERYTHING. I told her how I was feeling, but that I wanted to stay. I didn't understand why we were even talking! My mom agreed, and my sister and grandpa supported her. We were all on the same page. I was staying. No if's, and's, or but's. After half an hour of beating around it, trying to find out why we were even talking, I asked to talk to my little sister.
Now, you have to know. This girl is a little punk. But she is the child that I love and respect more than any other person on the entire planet. She is my best friend. She is my girl. I asked her straightforward what I should do.
Gracie was in agreement with my mom and grandpa. But the next thing she said to me changed everything.
She literally stopped. Thought for a second. And said, "Court... I want you to stay out.. but I think you need to come home. I think this is something bad and you need to be here so it doesn't get worse."

And with that, I knew I was coming home. In that instant, the Spirit testified to me... more than I have ever felt in my entire life. It was a wave of reassurance. Of clarity. This is the decision I was looking for. I had spent 7 months praying and asking which answer was right. I never received an answer. I spend 7 months telling my Heavenly Father that I was staying. I was going to finish the Lord's Errand I was on. But the second this little 13 year old girl told me I needed to come home, I received the answer I had been searching for. The craziest part? I'm not the only one who knew. My mom and grandpa had felt it in that moment. We all started sobbing. We knew that was it. I was going home. I was going HOME.

I got off the phone with them, still crying. I went to talk with President Hall and stepped into his office...and just lost it. I cried more than I think I ever had in my entire mission. He told me he knew I was going before I said anything. He was just letting me make the decision for myself.

I didn't have the heart to tell my companion, but she knew. She just.. knew. We hugged and cried and cried and hugged a little bit more.

Friday came and President was on the phone with Salt Lake City, telling them what was going to happen. That I would need to be home as soon as possible.

Saturday the secretaries called me telling me I would be leaving Monday morning with the other elders and sisters that were finishing their missions.

Sunday, I packed my entire life in a few suitcases, said goodbye to the greatest ward of my life, the greatest missionaries that I had the pleasure of working with, and my best friend, my companion. I got to presidents house, I had my final interview. We did the big last dinner. Then a testimony meeting that was one of the most beautiful experiences of my mission.

Monday morning, I woke up. I got dressed and ready, just as always. I threw my luggage in a car, and we were off. We got to the airport and started to head home. We landed in Dallas, feeling more strange than ever. Everyone knew English.. it was getting real.
We were coming h-o-m-e.

Pulling into the Salt Lake City airport was... emotional. First, you see the mountains. Then you see the B for Bountiful, while passing MY Bountiful temple. The next sight is the city. Our tiny little city that we love... then you see the Salt Lake Temple. And you know. You feel it.
You've made it.
I remember jumping onto my knees in the seat and looking back at the elders I was coming home with. We all had tears in our eyes.

Coming out of the plane, down the stairs, and around the corner to a whole gaggle of people crying and cheering for you is one of the most... amazing things you will ever feel. You will ever see. I remember running to my mom and sister and brother, throwing my arms around them. Just crying.

I was home.

It was hard. Hard to make the decision to come. But I know that God had me come home for a reason. I did what I was supposed to in Mexico. And even if I wished it could have been longer, it was time. I will forever be grateful for my little sister, opening her mouth and just saying what needed to be said. And I will testify until the day I die and hereafter... the Spirit is always with us when we are living correctly. He will help us with those decisions that maybe we aren't ready to admit. But He will comfort us. Be our friend. Our companion. This gospel is true. It's black and white. It's either all true, or it's not. And I can say, with complete surety, I know for myself, that the Gospel of Jesus Christ, The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints is the true church. I know it. And I am grateful for that knowledge that I have gained for myself.

Another One Bites the Dust

Okay, I am referring to the week. Another one down. And I have absolutely no clue where it went. The weeks pass by SO fast here. I hit my 4 month mark next week. How crazy is that? Sometimes, it feels like an eternity here. But by the morning, I realize its been another week and I'm still alive. HALLELUAH. 

So I have never really fasted before. Really, EVER. But last week, we did. We needed work here in little Bene. I know its probably hard to imagine.. but really. Four streets by four streets is nuts. We just don't have much room to do anything. So we fasted. And it wasn't super hard. I fasted for a few different things, and did Hna Garzon, and together we fasted for help in this area. And what do you know? We have 20 new investigators!!! And we have baptismal dates!!!!!! I am so happy right now!!

 

Going to talk my compa up for a minute. We had a total moment the other night. We were talking about our investigators, and she looked at me and said, -Hermana... I dont want to leave Bene. We need to stay together for another transfer. You're the best companion I've had yet.- Aww!!! Really. We are such good friends. But it hasn't affected our work. When you become close with someone here, you start to get distracted. It becomes okay to be disobedient. But with our friendship, we have just become stronger in our work. We were up until midnight last night talking about how we can be more obedient. Its a great thing! We went to Chedraui today to buy food... probably one of the best parts of the week ALWAYS.

We left an appointment at 9:45 last night and still had to walk home, so I called President Hall. Its a rule to call after 9 if you're still in the streets. (We have to be home by 9 every night unless we have a lesson.) So I called him, and we were talking. He started speaking in Spanish to me, and went on to tell me that someone in my ward called him about me.. So of course, I started flipping out. OH President, I didn't do anything!! I'm sorry! What did I do?! And he went on to tell me that this person said they don't know how its possible, but my spanish has increased tremendously in the past 3 weeks. They said its a miracle. My heart just swelled. I can't see the improvement, but when the people I'm around do, it means so much to me. 

Christ lives. I know it with every part of my being. I know that He died for ME. Every time we read Luke 22:41-44, My testimony grows. Every time we teach the atonement, my heart rejoices because I have a Savior who lived and died for ME. ME. How did we become so lucky? God loved us so much, He sent his Only Begotten. Its a miracle. I will testify until the days end that this work is the greatest thing we could do. I get to invite others to come unto their Lord, Jesus Christ EVERY. DAY. When I tell people in the street that I am here for a year and a half to preach about Christ, they think I'm crazy. But its so worth it. I know that God has a plan for us. I know that if we live right, I get to be with my family for ETERNITY. How many people can say that? I keep a family picture with me everywhere I go. I show everyone. 1. Everyone here thinks that we are all siblings. So.. Parents.. Way to go. Lookin good and lookin young! 2. Everyone says we are really white... I agree. 3. I know that every time I talk about my siblings, and how I want to be an example for them, the Spirit testifies that I am doing the best I can. 

I hope you are all well. I hope you are all taking time to read and pray. If anything.. pray. I know He listens and I know he wants to hear about what youre feeling and thinking. He cares. He always has, and He always will. I love you. I love this gospel. I love the peole. The food is still nasty, but vale la pena. Its worth it. 

Con mucho amor, siempre

Su hija, 

Hermana Hamilton

MTC Week 1

Okay. So the MTC Week 1.

Thoughts:

 

HOLY COW WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

I'm a daughter of a KING!

I just want to go hoooooooome.

When is dinner?

Ooo, cute elder!

Spanish? You expect me to learn a new language?

Really though... the MTC is magical. I see new things happening every single day. We have so much freedom over here on the new campus. So many things to do and see and new people to talk to. Your district becomes your family. Your zone becomes your closest friends. In about a week, we are losing most of our zone. I want to cry. We have all become so close in such a short time. You'll learn to love your comp, even if you don't like them. Trust me. I would know. 

 

Learning a language is really hard. Sometimes, you'll want to cry. Other times, a random teacher will pull you out of class because they feel impressed to talk to you and see whats wrong. Then you cry a little bit more. Really, SO FUN.

 

If you're going to be on a campus... West Campus is the place to be. We are all so friendly here! I love it! Everywhere you go, someone is smiling. Plus, we all speak the same language, so that's fun. You learn a lot faster that way.

 

You  learn quickly that P-day is the best day of the week. You get to go to the temple, go to lunch at random restaurants, chat with your whole zone, do your laundry, write home, and email. It goes by way too fast. 8 days later, you realize that you've been gone from home for over a week, and you're still kickin'. 

If you're considering serving, JUST DO IT. Really. What's stopping you? It's so much fun. It's hard work, and you really don't get breaks. But life just makes sense when you're here. The teachers are great, the Elderes y Hermanas are the happiest people ever. You just can't go wrong. 

Hermana Hamilton

**Hermana Hamilton ran into Elder Flynn her first day at the MTC.

Time

Short and simple. Time. Our time is so limited, there comes a point where you have to schedule everything down to the very last minute to try and fit everything in.

A typical day for myself consists of waking up at the crack of dawn, cleaning my room, showering, brushing out my mess of a hair (because yes, that does deserve it's own amount of time), going to work, running errands, shopping for mission outfits, doing homework, scripture study, planning primary lessons, chores, and hanging out with the family. 24 hours in a day is just not enough!

I'm to the point in my life where I have to be responsible for my own time. I can't have my mom pushing me to do something before the day's end. To help with creating my own time, I never have my phone anymore. It's so nice. Less people, less technology, less distraction. It normally just sits thrown in my locker at work or on the floor of my room somewhere. I rarely watch TV or movies anymore. Don't worry.. I'm not giving up my So You Think You Can Dance addiction. Or watching soccer games. I'm not throwing those two away just yet. Music is my best friend these days. So that I have something going, my Pandora stations are getting a workout. They are always playing.

Hanging out with my friends is a lucky thing these days. I always fit in time to see them. Or try to at least. Whether it's going to the temple on a Sunday night or going to get frozen yogurt right before they close, I'm trying to keep up with some people. It's hard with everyone going their separate ways! But, alas, that is life. Welcome to growing up!

I guess the point that I'm trying to make is don't waste your time. There are so many things that need to be done. Don't just sit idle. Make the day worth it.


P.S. New life motto. In the scriptures, it always says "And it came to pass," Not once does it say, "And it came to stay". Everything in life comes and goes in waves. Like Sugarland says, "And the hard times pass, like the good ones do." During the hard times, keep your head held high and your faith even higher. During the good times, remember who you are and what you stand for and why it's a good life.

Called To Serve... Finally!

You do not understand how long I have been waiting to finally find out where I am going to serve on my mission.

Okay... it hasn't really been that long. But it has felt like an eternity!

Dear Sister Hamilton,
You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Mexico Mexico City Northwest Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months.
You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, November 13, 2013. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the Spanish language.

WHAT?!?! No one saw this coming! I was convinced I was staying in the states, my friends and family kept thinking East coast or Europe. But Mexico?! Holy cow! Last week my mom told me that if I get called to Mexico, I'm not going.. Well... Thanks for jinxing that one, madre. ;)

I couldn't be more excited. If you had asked me a year and a half ago if I was thinking about a mission, I would have thought you were crazy. Now? You can call me Hermana Hamilton! I know that I've been called to Mexico for a specific reason. I know that there are people who are waiting to meet me and hear what I have to say about this amazing gospel.

I'm terrified to finally be a missionary. I don't know the scriptures and the stories like others do. But you know what? That's okay! I will learn, just as everyone else does.

I know this is the true gospel. I have absolutely no doubt that we all chose to come here and go through our trials, because we all knew of the greatness that would come afterwards. I love the prophet. Thomas S. Monson is one of the most amazing people on this planet. He is the current day prophet and I know that he is doing everything he can to help better not only our lives, but everyone we encounter. I'm so grateful for missionary work and the opportunity we have to go out and serve others while we put our own lives on hold.  I know that without my friends and family, I wouldn't be this far. They have been the greatest examples to me in my life. I'm grateful for the atonement and that my sins can be washed away. I'm grateful for a loving Redeemer who gave his life for me. I'm grateful for a plan that can keep our families together forever.

I am so excited to go and serve. I know that it will be hard, but it is what I need to be doing with my life right now. I can't wait!!!!

Well Hello There

I've been on an updating craze today. First, by finishing off my old blog (courtsoccerblogger.blogspot.com), second by putting up all of the graduation pictures I have on Facebook, and third by starting my new blog! It's been a very busy morning in the Hamilton household.
Okay not really. But that's not the point.
I feel like I need to do a brief intro of who I am for new readers. When I look at my old blogs statistics, I feel cool having readers from all over the world. So to all of you in a different country.. HELLO!
My name is Courtney Hamilton. My nickname is C-Shortney. I am 18 years old. I just graduated high school last week. I am the oldest of 3. I My sister is 12 and my brother is 16. I've lived in the same house for 10 years, and before that, a house in Clearfield for about 6. We don't get out much.. I'm really into soccer. I have played for 12 years. I ended my soccer career last November. I had other things I needed to put my time and focus into. It was hard to be done, but I know it will be so worth it. I have bursitis in both of my hips, tendinitis in my knees and ankles, and chronic sprained ankles. The joys of sports. I do miss it so much. If you know me, you know I keep up to date on all of the USWNT games and stats. That's my thing. My friends probably think it's annoying.. I think it's the greatest thing in the world.
I am currently preparing to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am submitting my papers on the 23rd of June and am hoping to be out by the end of October. I haven't always been the most active member of my church. But this last year, I have really come out of that and am making a huge effort to be an example to those around me. I can't wait to finally be out there and serve others.
My favorite color is red. Favorite ice cream is Moose Tracks. I love chick flicks and comedies. I can be the most caring person in the world, or I can make you feel like an idiot. It's a great talent.. really. I can press my throat down to make it look like I'm a frog. My friends think it's cool. I think it's annoying. I have a lot of different 'best' friends. I have my Fab Four, which consists of my girls from my old soccer team. I have a friend from Brigham who I think the world of and consider a best friend. I have Emily George and Jaycee Brown. My two girl friends. My ONLY two girl friends. When we tell people we don't hang out with anyone else... we really don't. Jeffrey Herbert, my bff and porcupine for the last 2 years. Some of these kids have made a ridiculously awesome impact in my life. I don't know what I would do without them.
When I return from my mission, I'm planning to go to school to become a social worker. I want to help people so much. If I could just serve people for the rest of my life, I would. But... I have to worry about making SOME sort of money for my future.  

All of my friends are leaving in the next few months to go and serve. I am so excited for them! I am being called to work in the primary of my home ward in the next few weeks. I love little kids. This is going to be an adventure, I can already tell.

Well... now you know me at least a little bit! Over the next few months/years, you'll read about my friends, family, mission, and everything to come after that.